What to do when the youngest child leaves home! Help!

My psychologist-friend told me with grave seriousness, “Read back your last 10 Facebook posts to me.”

Eeek ….. food, food, food, misbehaving teenager, misbehaving twenty-something, food, chemistry tests, medical school application for the youngest, friends, food.

“That’s where you are at,” my friend said smoothly. “Mentally and emotionally.”

“Jac, I hope you are not going to fuss over me instead when Georgina leaves home,” my partner said with a heart-felt shudder. “I don’t need a mother, housekeeper, cook, office manager or tutor, you know.”

“I don’t fuss,” I told him haughtily.

“Yes, you’re right. You don’t fuss. You OBSESS.”

“Well, that has always been my nature. I give 100%. That’s what makes me successful in everything I do.”

“Just don’t make me into what you do,” he muttered.

Truth is, my whole world has shrunk to encompass only green smoothies, bone broths, energy balls, organic food, the forthcoming international baccalaureate exams and running 35 kms a week.

Sure, I am content enough with my life. Who wouldn’t be? It is a blessed existence. And I am fortunate enough too that I write books that win awards that people want to read. But a small voice inside me asked, “Will this be all?”

Yes, a very small part of me miss getting dressed to go to work and not care about food, kids and a properly-run home. I feel like not nagging sometimes or not getting all huffy when my bread goes wrong. Hmm, I didn’t used to be like that…..

I began putting out feelers for the D-day, which is the last day of my youngest child’s all-important exams (May 2018). You know, JUST IN CASE.

What’s out there?

A few years ago, UK’s National Health Service talked about working with Harvard University to train leaders for the health service. That scheme came under a lot of criticism because currently, the NHS is so poorly managed that it is always in deficit. Hospitals are closing, wards face severe shortages, staff over-worked…..there are certainly challenges and opportunities there for reform. With the right training, it could be the perfect desk job for someone who has strong views (and experience) about how the health service should be run.

Mumsnet, the leading UK website to support parents, have a Returning to Work section within its careers area.  The Return Hub is a specialist recruitment agency working with financial firms which are supportive of women returning to work after a career break.  Credit Suisse runs a very interesting programme for senior returnees who undergo a 12-week trial period before walking back into top positions (yes, with lots of mentoring, emotional support and learning new technologies):

If like me, you are thinking of the “just in case” scenario, do get your CV shipshape. Just in case, you know. There are certainly plenty of opportunities out there.

To help you, here’s some good advice I found: https://jobs.barclays.co.uk/how-strong-is-your-cv/

Who knows, I might do another postgraduate degree.

“Just not in my area,” everybody at home gasped, aghast, even my beloved father. My daughter threatens to have extensive facial reconstruction and change her name by deed poll should she find me lecturing at the medical school she intends going to. But you know, the world is my oyster in my second stage of life.

Main photo: in the days I used to get dressed and go to work.

Sourdough – it’s about the happy bugs in your house!

I used to remember waking up in my parents’ house to the smell of warm bread in the oven. Yes, sourdough. I love it. Because it is about the happy vibes in my mother’s kitchen.

But asking my mum for any recipe is a nightmare, because she cooks by feel rather than precise measurements – haha, pot calling the kettle black, I do the same too! So I told my friend I wanted to bake a simple sourdough and she laughed at me.

“You?” she said. “You need patience!”

Anyway, where I live at the moment, it costs a whopping £6 for a loaf. So I decided to make my own. OK, what’s beautiful about sourdough is that it does not use dried yeast but airborne microbes to ferment the flour, so you get this lovely, lively starter to bake your bread with. I have lots of happy bugs in the house. It is such a happy house. So why not? I decided to add apples for that lovely background taste to my sourdough (note: use organic apples!)

TO MAKE THE STARTER:

Chop up one apple and mix with 50g rye flour and 50ml cold water.
Mix well and store in a clean jar, covered on top with a clean towel.
FEEDING THE STARTER (5 days)

Everyday, add 1tbsp flour and 1 tbsp water. Mix well.
Cover mixture in jar as per day 1.
On Day 5, it must smell bubbly and doughy. If it smells alien, junk the whole mixture!

STAGE 1: STIFF STARTER

Add 50% of your starter (about 45g) to 85g of strong bread flour (up to you whether you throw away the other 50% or bake 2 loaves) and 45ml of cold water. Mix well.
Store for 8-12 hours.
STAGE 2: THE KNEADING

Put 145g of the starter above in 400mls of tepid water. Mix the starter into a colloidal form in the water.
Add 400g of strong bread flour, 50g of rye flour and 50g of wholemeal flour into the colloid and knead well. Knead for about 10 minutes and leave to rest for 20 minutes.
Then add 12g of sea salt and knead again, thoroughly mixing in the salt.
Put the dough in an oiled mixing bowl and leave to rest for 1 hour.
After 1 hour, knead it for a few minutes.
Repeat for 4 kneads and rest periods.
Then line a colander with a clean towel. Put the dough in it and cover with the other half of the towel.
Place in the dough in the fridge overnight.

STAGE 3: BAKING IT

Turn oven up to 250deg (max!)
Warm up a cast-iron casserole dish in the oven for 10 minutes.
Put the dough in there. Dust with semolina, and make two slashes with a knife.
Bake for 35 minutes with lid shut.
Remove lid and bake for another 25 minutes or until browned.
Cool, and leave for a few hours before slicing….though it tastes absolutely delicious when warm!!!!!

Note: I had a fun time with baking this. The whole family got involved with the multiple kneading stages, we sat around and enjoyed it with an Irish friend (with a glass of wine), gave half a loaf to another, and here’s my daughter’s faux pas which is part of our crazy happy household:

PS: The loaf was not perfect and the edges fell apart when I sliced it. But hey, they made a yummy simple aperitif !

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How to cuddle your teens (and grown-up children)

I fight with my 17-year-old.  “Hellcats, both of you,” her father says in exasperation.  We fight about everything, like two feral cats in a paper bag, in her father’s colourful terminology.

Yet I hold her close always. I mean physically close. Especially when words fail me. Our physical closeness nullifies our meaningless fights:  immediately after a shouting match, she would huff at me and tell me I am annoying, but with that slant of a smile in her eyes, building up to a hug that makes everything better between us once again. I will worry the night she goes to sleep without hugging or touching me, or if I could not kiss her cheek, her hair, and feel her melt into me.

I notice this is an oddity, even in Western cultures, to be always touching and hugging one’s teenage child. Those who spout attachment parenting in early years are surprisingly non-tactile to their teens.  My psychologist friend tells me that there is this belief that the teenage years is about “individuating” a child, that is to say, force them to become self-sufficient.

‘Ah,” I said. “Be tough to a child in order to raise a tough adult who will be successful in a tough world.” I understood. I have seen, first hand, the destructive effect of the mindset that values self-sufficiency and independence above all.  I knew one woman who sneered at me, “You still run home to your parents, at your age?” She left her parents as soon as she could, never looked back and I suspect, she would not allow her son the luxury of this “weakness” of coming home to the family, of asking for softness. The son, a qualified pilot, is handsome, healthy and outwardly successful, but he is beset with something inside that made him break off a two year engagement because of fear of commitment rather than flaws in the relationship, have outbreaks on his youthful skin, and being unable to work in a career that he had trained so many years for.

From this example and others, I am convinced that emotional distance and lack of physical bond between grown-up children and parents is not healthy. Our adolescents and young adults still need to hear, feel, and know that we love them and enjoy being with them. Heck, I am almost fifty, and I blossom each time I hear those words! Thus, it feels good for me to be home in my first family’s home. I love the fact that sometimes, it seems as if my brothers and I have not yet left home.  The closeness remains, despite the miles and the passing time.

Hold your children close, and I mean physically, because sometimes, this matters more than words. But how? I hear many ask. Teens are especially prickly to close proximity, especially if they have not been brought up within a touchy-feely framework.

Six ways to cuddle your teen:

  1. Cook unhurriedly together with your teen/grown up child. With cooking, you stand close, work in concerted harmony, learn to anticipate each other’s moves and yes, touch.
  2. Rough and tumble. My children’s father still wrestles with his grown-up children – I have to remind the children not to be too rough with their old father! He is not 30-years-old anymore!
  3. Do things for each other, such as massage, manicure, reiki.
  4. Cuddle up together on a sofa watching a film. Slowly move closer.
  5. End each night with a goodnight kiss. I miss my mother’s “No star” (goodnight in Welsh), the way she touches me gently as she kisses me.
  6. Make time for each other. All of the above has to happen naturally.

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Healthy alternatives: apricot and cranberry flapjacks

I absolutely love homemade fudge, especially those sold in farmers markets in my county.  Unfortunately, fudges are chock-full of sugar, which research tells us is more harmful and more addictive than cocaine.  Indeed, Britain’s love of sugary stuff has plummeted drastically (spending on cake-making ingredients has slumped by £26.8 million) despite popular programs such as The Great British Bake Off (according to analysts Kantar Worldpanel).
So when I was at a farmers market over the weekend, I bought a bag of sweet apricots instead and baked some yummy, healthy flapjacks instead.

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This was how I made my sugarless apricot and cranberry flapjacks:

  1. Toast 1 cupful of organic porridge oats and 1 cupful of nuts and seeds in a 200degree oven for 15 minutes. Sprinkle some coconut oil over the oats, nuts and seeds. Watch carefully to ensure that they do not burn.
  2. Blitz 1lb of apricot with 3 tablespoons of honey in a blender.
  3. Mix all together with 1 cupful of dried fruits. I used more cranberries proportionally but it is up to you.
  4. Bake in a greased tray for 20 minutes until firm but still spongy.
  5. Cool and cut into slices.
  6. For extra indulgence, you could top your flapjacks with melted chocolate.

Good for packed lunches!

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Dairy-free, gluten-free breakfast

I was writing and photographing on the topic of healthy breakfasts to tempt small children for my new book Facebook page, and I thought this would make such a lovely dairy-free breakfast.

I love milk and dairy products, and know that perhaps I should just cut down a little.  This base of mango and banana puree is a wonderful alternative to milk for cereals.

I served this with homemade granola, made from organic oats. According to many website sources (google gluten free oats), non-contaminated, pure oats are gluten-free. They are safe for most people with gluten-intolerance. The main problem with oats in gluten-free eating is contamination. Most commercial oats are processed in facilities that also process wheat, barley, and rye (this is from kitchn.com).

You can make all these the night before for a lovely, colourful breakfast.

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What to do when bombs fall and senseless killings happen

I am a stay-at-home mother. I have no political might to change the world. I don’t know how to change the world (if we are honest, there is no straightforward, easy answer). All I know is that we can evolve the world into a kinder place, one family at a time.

******

We live in a deeply polarised world. The bombs dropped in the Middle East. The senseless killings hit the streets of Jakarta, Manchester, London, so many places. Which side of the divide are you on?

The Irish statesman and writer Edmund Burke is credited for writing these words: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

The streets of my home country is under terror attack again. We are no strangers to it, in all honesty. Going back years ago, we lived in fear of the IRA. The streets of London were full or armed police and barricades. Now, the threat comes from another cause. I could get very angry about it. I could engage in long debates about the wrongs of taking innocent lives. I could debate UK foreign policies. What will I achieve? I will preach to the converted (namely those who are already sympathetic to my views) and by the same token, I will create more haters amongst the cadre of those whose beliefs conflict with mine. I will deepen the rift in our already split world. By putting angry words out there, or even words of reason, I will not get the peaceful resolution and healing I seek. I will only raise the anger quota in an already angry world.

What I chose to do today, on the day after the night London came under another terrorist attack, is to feed these al-Rahman children who live in a refugee camp, young victims of the conflict. I have been sending them food parcels every few weeks. This is a photograph of them receiving my last consignment: since I blog so much about green smoothies, I think it is only right that I send them fresh fruits and vegetables (and eggs, too).

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You might think that my little gift, given with love, is only a drop in the ocean, insignificant in the face of the huge ugly war raging in our world today. But imagine this: if every person who feels angry about world events just send a little love instead of putting more hatred out there in the world (in terms of thoughts and words), just think how great the effect will be. I always have tears in my eyes when I read their little messages, translated by volunteers at Humanwire. They are always short and sweet, “Love you too! Thank you.” Five words, and we are one, rather than British and Syrians.

A few weeks ago, I started an appeal on Humanwire (similar to the fruits I sent Aya, Iman and Adbel) for a Syrian young lady named Ayda. Ayda and her brothers were normal, hard-working university students whose lives had been torn apart by the similar conflict that tears our world apart today. My belief is that if we reach out to this family, we sow the seeds of love for the future.

Please join me and reach out to Ayda. Yes, you can Skype her, get to know her and together, we can build a better future even if bombs fall and senseless killings are going on today. With love, we can.

Click here to connect with Ayda. Every little click helps, even if it is just to share this message of love ❤

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Georgina’s Gnocchi with sage and garlic butter

Gnocchi is so expensive in Asia, though it is made of nothing more than flour and potatoes. My daughter made this, and it was absolutely delicious. That’s with some modification to the traditional recipe (we added some pumpkin because we didn’t have enough potatoes).

INGREDIENTS:

Two cups of diced potato and pumpkin (she used 3/4 potato to 1/4 pumpkin)
2 cups of all-purpose flour
1 egg
Salt and pepper

For the butter:

1/2 a cup of butter
5/6 cloves garlic
A sprinkling of dried sage (or chopped fresh ones)

Boil the diced potato and pumpkin until tender (but still firm). This would take about 15-20 minutes. Mash them up and all the other ingredients. Roll the dough out into tubes and cut the tubes into bite-size portions.

Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Drop in gnocchi and cook for 3 to 5 minutes or until gnocchi have risen to the top; drain and serve.

In the meantime, melt the butter in a small pan. Saute the garlic until soft but not browned. Add the sage. Pour over the gnocchi.

True soul food ❤

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Why we should make a fuss over the birthday child

Ideally, we should make a fuss about our children everyday, but reality is that in the busy-ness of modern life, these tiny but very important people often get lost somewhere in between a rushed breakfast, sitting in a classroom, tired parents and every minute that is dedicated elsewhere just to keep the day afloat.

I have five children, and for a time, both their father and I had full-time jobs out of necessity. This was what we did to ensure that our children didn’t feel like they are not special:

SIX WAYS OF MAKING A CHILD FEEL SPECIAL

  1. Bedtime stories EVERY NIGHT with a parent (sometimes both parents). I swear by them. Having that time to lie down with them every night is something that is so special and precious;
  2. Make an effort to spend a day (or at least an afternoon) with a child. Arrange childcare for the others;
  3. Choose godparents who will make them feel special.
  4. Get to know each child.
  5. Do meaningful things.
  6. Take the opportunity to transform simple things into a memorable event – like picnic indoors (we recently did it though our youngest child is 17 and we live close to the beach).

BIRTHDAYS!!!

A Birthdays is that one day that a person (whatever the age) is supposed to be king or queen for the day. It’s not about the presents or the lavishness. Far from it. These are some snaps from my daughter’s birthday party ten years ago. It took place in our garden and the chief organisers were my older daughter and her boyfriend. As it was in our house rather than some fancy venue, we invited every child in the class. They played simple traditional games – no paid entertainer apart from the two teenagers who worked very hard to organise the special day.

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Here’s a simple party game: the children have to get on this day bed all together and burst the balloons by squashing them.

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Georgina recently turned 17 and she requested a quiet day (perhaps she has had too much birthday party fun all her life!). So she spent a quiet day which began with church the night before, the whole day with her boyfriend revising for their exams and a small family dinner in the evening in an Italian restaurant. As it was a Sunday night, she refused a glass of wine!!!!
But I wasn’t going to let her off so lightly. The following day, she was surprised in class with this ‘chemistry cake’ – BIG SMILE. Let’s make birthdays special, folks! ❤

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Send Love and create Ayda’s future

I know about life in refugee camps, having volunteered at the Burj al Barajneh and Rafah camps during the intifada. I know how difficult (if not impossible) to find nutritious food – somehow, the UN rations were not making the people grow strong and healthy, as they needed to, living in such dire conditions.

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I have just sent them some fruits, vegetables and eggs via Humanwire, and a small sum to go towards the delivery cost. If you click on this link, you will see that it costs so little to feed these children and many like them. It cost less than a bottle of wine that I had last night, that I could easily have done without. But these children need fruits, vegetables and eggs, just at the most basic level.

There is another girl who needs your help, and I have initiated a campaign through Humanwire. More than anything, I would love for you to join me in helping Ayda.

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Ayda could easily have been your sister, your daughter. She was just a normal girl studying biology at university when her home was destroyed by bombs. Ayda’s family did not take the easy way out in the first instance. They fled to another town, trying to build their lives. They really did try, for a year, until Ayda’s father was arrested and sent to prison. They then fled the country. Ayda is in Lebanon now, waiting. Her two brothers, formerly high flying students of dentistry and computing science, are now working as mechanic and blacksmith to keep the family afloat. They are genuine people in need, victims of world events.

Please help Ayda. $15 makes a difference. Yes, your donation will make a world of difference to Ayda and her family. Humanwire ensures that 100% of your money goes straight to Ayda. You can even Skype her. And visit her! Get to know her story. Be part of something positive.

Please click here to be part of Ayda’s future. Every penny counts, and it goes straight to her.